Emotional Intelligence, Influence, Values, Well-being

How to Live a Positive Life

Introduction

From my observation and experience most people want their lives to be worthwhile. We want our lives to be positive and constructive – lives that make a positive contribution to our families and the wider community. But with the challenges and pressures most of us face on a daily basis that is not easy. How then can we live in a way that makes a positive difference?

Some years ago a survey was taken of several 90 year olds. They were asked what they would do differently if they could live their lives over again.

The 90 year olds’ top three answers were:

•          Reflect more

•          Risk more

•          Invest their lives in something that lasts.

A very interesting response. And what might that look like in practice? While I’m not quite ninety yet, here are my suggestions:

Gratitude

When we live with an attitude of gratitude we generate positive energy that others find attractive. I’m not talking about being a Pollyanna but rather expressing gratitude for the positives in our lives while being realistic about whatever limitations and challenges we may be facing. Research shows acknowledging our blessings and benefits strengthens our own mental health and sense of wellbeing even though they may seem less than what others around us have. By being thankful, although at the same time realistic about our personal situation, we encourage others to trust us and relate openly with us.

Reflect and Risk

The above-mentioned survey of 90 year olds identified more reflection and risk-taking as two of the top three things they would do differently. Deep reflection that considers our life journey helps us discern those passions that motivate us to discover and commit to our purpose, values and vision. It also helps us to identify the pros and cons of life’s various options and empowers us to know when and how to take the risks needed to pursue our purpose and vision in line with our core values. Holding back from taking calculated risks is one of the chief reasons people fail to experience satisfying and positive lives. It’s through thoughtful risk-taking that we open ourselves to new experiences and possibilities. As a result we develop new capacities to realise our vocation and enrich our own life and the lives of others.

Awareness 

Becoming aware of our own feelings, thoughts and possibilities as well as the feelings and circumstances of others is the foundation for developing empathy and influence. And it’s those two capacities – empathy and influence – that are needed for being able to make a positive contribution to our world.

Communication

The capacity to live a positive and productive life inevitably includes being able to work together with other people. And the heart of collaboration is communication. Effective communication is so much more than just using the right words. Research shows words only comprise 7% of successful communication. Far more important are our body language (eg. gestures, posture, facial expressions – 58%) and tone of voice (38%).

Expectations

We all have expectations – expectations for ourselves, our partners and families, our workplaces and communities. To live positively, those expectations need to be realistic, relevant and owned by those for whom they apply. Without that our expectations of ourselves and others will only lead to disappointment and frustration.

Conclusion

Observant readers may have noticed the first letters of each of the above five headings when written down the page as an acronym spells out the word ‘GRACE’. Grace is an undeserved and unearned expression of love. And that’s what happens when we are prepared to be grateful, reflect and take appropriate risks, practice awareness, initiate or engage in constructive communication and manage our expectations. However, not only do these behaviours together express grace they also are dependent upon the realisation that we live in a grace-filled world. Certainly, plenty of negativity and evil abound. But the expressions of grace and light in and around our lives are far greater than the darkness. I appreciate however that for many, their experience of darkness seems much stronger than their experience of light. As that is not my personal experience I do not presume to judge. All I will say is that many who have shared such experiences have found that it’s been their conscious decision to live in the reality of grace that has empowered them to lead meaningful and positive lives. And as we do so we invest our lives in those things that last, those things that are worthwhile and contribute to constructive outcomes.

Graham Beattie

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1 thought on “How to Live a Positive Life

  1. Thanks once again for a great thought provoking article!
    Being positive with God’s grace makes this all the more special and a gift to give to others!

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