Many people confuse being assertive with being aggressive. However, they are very different. Justin Arocho from the Manhattan Centre for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy explains the difference this way:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAssertiveness is a helpful way of communicating that is clear, direct, and constructive. It\u2019s built on the understanding that your own needs and another\u2019s needs are both important to consider, and that both deserve to be respected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is a way of communicating where you try to control the behaviour of others. You put your own needs first, without any consideration for the other person\u2019s needs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In other words, assertiveness is based on emotional self-control where a person stands up for themselves, their beliefs and values in a non-threatening, non-manipulative and respectful way. Aggressive communication however resorts to intimidation, abuse or manipulation to get its way usually with little self-awareness or self-control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Assertiveness strengthens communication and develops interpersonal relationships whereas aggression undermines communication and sabotages relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Little wonder then that anyone who wants to succeed in work or in life needs to be assertive. And this is particularly true for those who are leaders or aspire to become one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Benefits of Assertiveness<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n In addition to improving communication and strengthening relationships assertive behaviour delivers the following benefits. It:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Art of Assertiveness<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n People who use aggressive tactics are determined to get their way, regardless of the feelings and views of others. Usually they do so for one or more of the following reasons. They:<\/p>\n\n\n\n People who are assertive however are primarily concerned with reaching an outcome everyone can own. While they want their position to be heard, understood and acknowledged their main motivation is to help the group come up with a workable solution. As a result they exercise a leadership role in the group using emotional intelligence (either consciously or unconsciously) to express their view in a way that encourages others to express theirs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Assertive communication sounds like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Conclusion<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n For most of us being assertive doesn\u2019t come easily. Generally, our cultural and\/or family upbringing has conditioned us to be either aggressive or passive in how we communicate. Aggressive in order to get our own way or passive in order to \u2018keep the peace\u2019 and not upset anyone. It therefore takes emotional intelligence, particularly self-awareness of our strengths, weaknesses and emotional reactions together with the discipline to manage those reactions when we find ourselves in a situation where we experience aggressive communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Leaders in particular need to develop the skill of assertive communication in order to ensure team members are fully engaged, able to grow and develop in their roles and be able to tap the skills, experience and wisdom in their teams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
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